Two-bits Crazy Dreams
by puppylover27
Summary: This is just a series of one-shots where Two-bit tells the gang what his dreams would be. Co-written by lcanoOdles. We don't own anything. Rated T just to be safe.
1. Two-bits Dreams Part 1

**A/N: Hey, I'm back! Ultimate Sister Fic is still being written, I'm just on writers block with that and I wanted to make this with my friend (Ultimate Sister Fic should be updated very soon, I'm super close to having the third chapter done), so ****lcanoOdles**** is helping me with it. This is just a series of one-shots about what Two-bit's dreams might be like, almost all of them based off dreams by us or people we know, some aren't. It's all in Two-bit's POV for now. Hope you enjoy!**

_My two daughters (daughters? I'm only eighteen!) were very amused while watching a squirrel hug onto a balloon. We couldn't have that. So I simply walked over and popped the balloon. The girls looked shocked and started crying. The squirrel, on the other hand, was mad. It saw a passing Ponyboy nearby and ran over to him, jumped on him, bit his neck, and then Ponyboy fell over, dead. The girls screamed and ran inside (assumedly) my house, to their mother Marcia._

_Since they were upset, I decided to go in there and cheer them up. "Alright, girls," I said, "Start makin' them darn sandwiches! And make 'em right!" The girls got to work and started making them the way they're supposed to (start form the middle and make sure all the layers are even and perfect)._

_Marcia gave me a look for a minute, then I said "what's the point of havin' daughters if ya can't make 'em make peanut butter and jelly sandwiches?!"_

_XXX_

_Later, my older daughter was out in the garden poking the talking Venus fly trap. Then it started threatening, "Hey! Did you just poke me? I'm gonna' eat your face off if you do it again!"_

_Then I came out (conveniently) with my switchblade and grabbed the wing of my jacket and stretched it to arm's length (the switchblade was in the jacket) whispering to the plant "Hey, do you wanna' see my switchblade?" What happened next isn't important…_

_XXX_

"_Alright, girls, there's a killin' squirrel out on the loose! You gotta' stop 'em!" I said to my daughters, a little bit later._

"_How do we stop 'em daddy?" one of them asked._

"_Easy! With meat! Little slathers of meat!" I said._

"_Ok!" they said in unison, then ran outside and got a slippery loaf of bread shaped meat and a knife out of nowhere and were trying to cut the meat. The meat was slippery so the knife was slipping off of it. Soon enough they got a little slather of the meat and found the squirrel and threw some meat at him. The squirrel gnawed it and stopped killing people._

_XXX_

_Turns out, I was watching all of this on a horror movie, but I was starting to fall asleep. And then I realized something else, I was sitting with a bunch of elderly people… wearing pants! I screamed (I was wearing pants! And they were khakis!). They all turned their heads at the exact same time to look at me like robots._

"And then I woke up," I said to the gang.

"You killed me off?!" Ponyboy declared.

"I don't control what I dream! It might be because I secretly don't like you…"

"What?"

"I coughed."

"No you didn't, you didn't even pretend to cough!"

"Oh yeah," I said and then unbelievably fake coughed.

"Who's Marcia?" Steve broke in, "Another blonde? Really, Two-bit?"

"Hey! She wasn't blonde this time!"

"Yeah, not this time…" Sodapop joked and rolled his eyes

"I'm done with you," Dally said and walked away. Darry stared at me and shook his head, then went back inside the house (we were on the Curtis' front lawn). Then I noticed Johnny whispered something to Ponyboy and they both laughed.

"Whatcha sayin' Johnnycakes?" I asked while cocking an eyebrow.

"Oh nothin'," Johnny said and he and Ponyboy chuckled.

Probably was cussin' me out in Arabian.

**A/N: So did you love it? You better, or I'll pop a balloon with a squirrel on it!**

**This was based off of a dream I had (puppylover27 speaking), but it was changed a little. I was one of Two-bit's daughters, and the switchblade part didn't really happen, but we thought it would be funny. I know Two-bit's probably out of character in the dream, but let's face it, it's a dream. And about the part where Two-bit says he didn't like Ponyboy, he was just kidding, he does like him (as a friend of course). And also he doesn't really have any daughters, that's just how the dream came up.**

** (lcano_Odles): My dreams are too scary to put online. And this is before Two-Bit met Marcia. Just in case you were confused.**

**If you liked this one then there will be more to come. We have a lot of ideas, and every time we have a weird dream comes in handy with this too. So updates won't be regular. Also if you have any ideas for dreams or anything, feel free to mention them! And constructive criticism is allowed, but otherwise please be nice. But for now, please review! We won't know if you like it if you don't review!**


	2. The Million Steve's

**A/N: Thanks for the reviews, views, and the favorite! Sorry it took so long to update, we never got on a computer together like all summer, so…**

**Puppylover27: For those of you who were reading Ultimate Sister Fic, I did take down for the moment. It say on my profile why I took it down, sorry I really don't feel like typing it again on this. Though don't worry, I will post it again sometime.**

**Lcano_Odles: My excuse is because E_ mugged me! jk**

**Disclaimer, warning if anything**

**Two-bit's Crazy Dreams – The Million Steve's**

_"Keep movin', Two-bit," Johnny said while shoving me again._

_ "Gosh, why do you have to be so mean Johnnycakes?" I said to him._

_ He didn't say anything back, just shoved me into the random tree in the middle of the cruise ship. I found it weird no one else was on board besides the staff._

_ "I'm going to the food court!" I said dramatically and ran away from Johnny._

_XXX_

_ "Excuse me," I said to the person behind the counter at the food court, "could I have a- wait, Steve?"_

_ "Yeah?" he said like it was no big deal._

_ "I thought you worked at the DX?"_

_ "I do."_

_ "So what are you doing here?"_

_ "Working."_

_ "So, you got a second job?"_

_ "No."_

_ "So you quit the DX?"_

_ "I would never quit the DX!"_

_ "So you got fired?"_

_ "No," he looked at me like I was crazy._

_ "Ok… Never mind. I gotta um, go," I said and ran away from there._

_XXX_

_ I walked into the engine room only to see Steve in there._

_ "Weren't you just in the food court?" I asked him._

_ "No," he said._

_ "Yeah you were; I just saw you in there five minutes ago!"_

_ "Eat a pineapple."_

_ "What?"_

_ "Actually, eat a cumquat."_

_ "I don't even – ya know what, never mind," I said and ran off again. This was weird. And what the heck was a cumquat?_

_XXX_

_ I was still really hungry so I went back to the food court, but it changed a little bit. There were more restaurant places. I just had to make sure I didn't go to the one with Steve._

_ I was about to go up to one, but Steve was the one behind the counter again. Then I was heading to the place next to it and there was another Steve working behind the counter! Soon enough I looked at all the restaurants and there were different Steve's working at all of them!_

_ "Aaaaahhhhhh!" I screamed and ran away from the food court once again._

_XXX_

_ "Excuse me Mr. Captain Sir, but – Steve?!"_

_ "What?"_

_ "Aaaaaahhhhh!" I screamed again and ran out of the room. Was the entire staff Steve?_

_ I ran from room to room only to find that all the staff was different Steve's!_

_ It wasn't until I was running down a hallway that had doors to rooms people could check into I saw another Steve by a maids cart wearing a black and white maid dress you'd see people wearing in old movie's!_

"And it was so horrifying I woke up," I said to the gang.

"Ok, so I died in your last one, but there's a million Steve's in this one? What's wrong with you?!"

"What isn't wrong with him?" Darry said.

"Oh I see, you like Steve more than me, don't ya? The world would be a lot better with more ME's! Not _Steve,_" Sodapop said.

"You made me come over for this?" Dally said while walking away.

Johnny cursed in Arabian and followed Dally.

"What, no blondes this time?" Steve said.

"Well your hair looked kinda blond as a captain…" I said.

He glared at me for a minute. "Two-bit," he said, "you have three seconds to live."

**A/N: Did you like it? Sorry if Johnny seemed a little OOC, we couldn't think of a very good reaction for him.**

**This was based off my friends dream; I don't actually wanna say her name online so we're just going to call her E (That's who lcanoO-dles was referring to in her authors note). I found out this is actually a really inaccurate version of her dream, the friend that she really saw in her dream (sadly it wasn't really Steve) never was wearing a maids costume, so she's not a scarred as Two-bit.**

**Hopefully we'll be able to have a faster update next time, we're starting school this week (Why cruel world, why?!) so we'll be around each other by a computer. We just have to try not to get distracted (no promises). Please review! We really wanna know if you like it or not! So please! Don't let us go into school super sad! Wait, it's too late for that… Well please let us go into school not **_**as**_** sad as we would be! Please review!**


	3. Soiled it!

**A/N: Hey we're back! Earlier than last time at least… Thanks for the favorites and followers! (There were no reviews so…)**

**Disclaimer: So apparently we haven't stalked S.E Hinton enough yet for her to give us the ownership so… You know the drill.**

**Warning: There's just one dirty joke at the very end. Hope you enjoy!**

**Two-bit's POV:**

_I was in church with Ponyboy and Johnny and holding a kazoo, while Ponyboy was holding a Tuba, and Johnny holding nothing. There was a bunch of other random people holding instruments too._

_Wait a minute, why am I at church? And why am I wearing pants!?_

"_What's wrong Two-bit?" Ponyboy asked._

"_I'm wearing pants!"_

"_Yeah, there's some stupid rule now that we __**have**__ to," Johnny spoke up, "apparently some guy took advantage of the no shirt, no shoes, no service rule; so now it's no shoes, no pants, no service."_

"_What about shirts?" I said._

"_Nothing says we have to now, there's some girls that are taking advantage of that," Ponyboy said._

"_What?! Where are-"_

_But before I could finish, the leader in the front said "Ok everyone, load on the bus!"_

_So we all headed out and quickly got on. I still didn't see any girls taking advantage of the shirt rule…_

_Johnny, Ponyboy, and me all sat in one seat (somehow since Ponyboy has to be so fat) and I started playing with the kazoo._

_Then all the sudden the bus drove into a ditch; and I'm pretty sure I died 'cause that's when I switched dreams. The last thing I heard a blue faced Indian guy shouting "Soiled it!"_

_XXX_

_I was running up never ending stairs with a random blonde I've never met, dodging lasers and missiles coming at us like you'd see in cheesy movies. Then all the sudden the stairs and the girl disappeared and I fell into a room made of pillows. _

_There were a bunch of bald people in suits that looked exactly the same in a triangular formation in the middle of the room; and a bunch of homeless looking people cowering in the corner. Then another man came in, that wasn't bald and in a suit, holding a strange looking gun. Then I realized it wasn't a man, it was a Steve! (Imagine the DON DON DON MUSIC)Then I was able to catch what it said on the side of the gun, __**Death Ray**__. No wonder those people were cowering in fear. But I couldn't see why they just didn't go out the door._

"_Should I still do him first?" The Steve asked the bald guys in suits._

_The bald man at the top of the formation gave one nod._

_Then Steve turned to me and shot the gun. The last thing I saw was the random blue faced Indian guy shouting "Soiled it!"_

_XXX_

_An eight year old kid, that I somehow knew was Johnny, walked up to the teacher in a classroom, who was for some odd reason, Dally. I noticed Steve's death ray sitting on Dally's desk._

"_Doesn't one of those cute and fuzzy things fall out of a tree right about now?" Johnny asked._

"_No," Dally replied._

_Then I could see through the window the random blue faced Indian guy shouting "Soiled it!" at a cat, then the cat made a frightened meow and fell out of the tree."_

"And that's when I woke up," I said to the gang.

"What's a kazoo?" Johnny asked.

"Why do I have to play the tuba?" Ponyboy complained.

"Because we all know someone's gonna' poop in it," I said.

"Who would poop in it?" Ponyboy asked.

"Who wouldn't?" Sodapop said.

"Soda!" Ponyboy said.

"I know who'd really poop in it!" I started, "Darry!"

Darry shook his head annoyed that I brought him out here just for this, and headed back into the house. But he never said no.

"So I finally got to kill you?!" Steve said excitedly. "That's been my life dream! Every night when I go to bed, I have to imagine murdering you in different ways to get to sleep."

"Well now we know what you do at night. Along with all _the other stuff,_ of course," I said.

He glared at me and was about to say something, but Dally spoke first.

"So he got to kill you and I didn't? But-" Then an evil grin came up on his face. Oh crap, I thought. The next thing I know I'm running away from Dally as he shouts "Get over here Matthews!"

**A/N: So did you like it? Did you hate it? Do you like the story so far or should we stop posting and take it down? And sorry if you thought Steve was a little OOC at the end, but we had to set it up for that next joke somehow.**

**puppylover27: So this was based off of a dream that I had, but there was no blue faced Indian guy shouting soiled it (sadly). As I was typing this, lcano_Odles was doing something else on her computer and a random blue faced Indian guy showed up somewhere (don't ask me what she was doing, she doesn't even know.) It was weird.**

**lcano_Odles: Poor Two-Bit. Dally will never forgive him for letting Steve kill him. And who wouldn't poop in the tuba?**

**Puppylover27: Ikr?!**

**Please review! We didn't get any reviews last time and it made us really sad. So please make us happy again! It'll cheer lcano_Odles up from having a pink lollipop that tasted bad. And same with puppylover27, even though her lollipop was good, but still. You know what I mean.**


	4. The Forever Fall

**Disclaimer: If we owned **_**The Outsiders**_**, we wouldn't need a disclaimer! It all belongs to S.E Hinton.**

**Two-bit's Crazy Dreams - The Forever Fall**

**Two-bit's POV:**

"_Mr. Mathews…" someone called me. I looked up from my switchblade magazine. It was a lady in a white uniform, wearing a surgical mask over her face. "Would you follow me to the back room?"_

_I was hesitant. "Uh, sure." I got out of the chair I had been sitting on and followed her into a room with a sink in the back and a bright, red dentist chair in the middle of it._

"_Please," she motioned to the chair, "take a seat." And so I did. I wouldn't have though, if I had only seen the suspicious lever sticking out from the side of the chair._

_Before I knew it, the nurse had pulled the lever and launched me out of the dentist chair and through the roof. I screamed out of surprise and fright._

_I kept falling and falling and falling and falling and falling and falling and falling and falling and falling and falling and (did I mention I was falling?)and falling and falling and falling and falling and falling and falling and falling and falling and falling and falling and falling and falling and falling and falling and falling and falling and falling and falling and falling and falling and falling and falling and falling and falling and falling and falling and falling and falling and falling and falling and falling and falling and falling and falling and falling and falling and falling and falling and falling and falling and falling and falling and falling and falling and falling and falling and falling and falling and falling and falling and falling and falling and falling and falling and falling and falling and falling and falling and falling and falling and falling and falling and falling and falling and falling and falling and falling and falling and falling and falling and falling and falling and falling and falling and falling and falling and falling and falling and falling and falling and falling and falling and falling and falling and falling and falling and falling and falling and falling and falling and falling and falling and falling and falling and falling and falling and falling and falling and falling and falling and falling and falling and falling and falling and falling and falling and falling and falling and falling and falling and falling and falling and falling and falling and falling and falling and falling and falling and falling and falling and falling and falling and falling and falling and falling and falling and falling and falling and falling and falling and falling and falling and falling and falling and falling and falling and falling and falling and falling and falling and falling and falling and falling and falling and falling and falling and falling and falling and falling and falling and falling and falling and falling and falling and falling and falling and falling and falling and falling and falling and falling and falling and falling and falling and falling and falling and falling and falling and falling and falling and falling and falling and falling and falling and falling and falling and falling and falling and falling and falling and falling and falling and falling and falling and falling and falling and falling and falling and falling and falling and falling and falling and falling and falling and falling and falling and falling and falling and falling and falling and falling and falling and falling and falling and falling and falling and falling and falling and falling and falling and falling and falling and falling and falling and falling and falling and falling and falling and falling and falling and falling and falling and falling and falling and falling and falling and falling and falling and falling and falling and falling and falling and falling and falling and falling and falling and falling and falling and falling and falling and falling and falling and falling and falling and falling and falling and falling and falling and falling and falling and falling and falling and falling and falling and falling and falling and falling and falling and falling and falling and falling and falling and falling and falling and falling and falling and falling and falling and falling and falling and falling and falling and falling and falling and falling and falling and falling and falling and falling and falling and falling and falling and falling and falling and falling and falling and falling and falling and falling and falling and falling and falling and falling and falling and falling and falling and falling and falling and falling and falling and falling and falling and falling and falling and falling and falling and falling and falling and falling and falling and falling and falling and falling and falling and falling and falling and falling and falling and falling and falling and falling and falling and falling and falling and falling and falling and falling and falling and falling and falling and falling and falling and falling and falling and falling and falling and falling and falling and falling and falling and falling and falling and falling and falling and falling and falling and falling and falling and falling and falling and falling and falling and falling and falling and falling and falling and falling and falling and falling and falling and falling and falling and falling and falling and falling and falling and falling and falling and falling and falling and falling and falling and falling and falling and falling and falling and falling and falling and falling and falling and falling and falling and falling and falling and falling and falling and falling and falling and falling and falling and falling and falling and falling and falling and falling and falling and (you get the idea). And I can't seem to remember hitting the ground._

"And then I woke up," I was telling the gang.

"You know Two-bit, you coulda' just said you were falling and don't remember hitting the ground rather than wasting ten minutes of our lives," Ponyboy, the annoying smart butt, _had_ to say.

"Yeah, ten minutes we'll never get back…" I heard Johnny, Ponyboy's smart butt friend, mumble.

"But what's the fun in that? Only normal people would do that and normal people are boring. What's so good about normal people?" I questioned.

"That if they had a reunion, _you_ wouldn't be there," Johnny said.

I slapped my hand to my chest and tried my best to look offended, "Well then Johnny, you think you're so –"

"Why do I even bother?" Dally cut in, "these dreams are just getting weirder and weirder and weirder… Crap I'm starting to sound like you!"

"What can I say," I started while grinning; "I'm contagious."

"Yeah, that's the word for it," Steve put in.

"Two Bit," Darry said grinning, "I think you should see a therapist about that."

"Oh please, like a therapist could figure _that_ one out," Soda smiled.

"Well," I shrugged, deciding to ignore Sodapop's comment, "I'm never going to the dentist again."

**A/N: So did you like it? Did you hate? Does anyone like this story anymore? We gots to know!**

**And sorry if you thought Johnny and Ponyboy were a little OOC, they just needed to be saying something.**

**lcano_Odles: this was my first Fan Fiction (**_**puppylover27: That I edited! Yay! Sorry I wanted to intervene in lcano_Odles authors note. INTERVENE!). **_**I really hope you like it. p.s. sorry if you like Ponyboy/Johnny but I really don't. I actually had this dream while I was high on laughing-gas and I'm terrified of heights but I thought it would make a good Two-Bit dream. Lately, I have been trying to write two fanfics besides this one (if you want to check that out) but I am really slow, so it may take a while (and no, I am not writing Outsiders stories. I'm working on a Fable 2 story, an **_**Entwined**_** story-because all the uploaded ones are horrific and I want a good romance between Azalea and Bradford or Clover and Fairweller or Bramble and Teddy. I have been considering writing a **_**Pirates of the Caribbean**_** story but I don't have any ideas.) Please review; I'd like some feedback**.

**puppylover27: Oh, and by the way, when lcano_Odles says her first fanfiction, she means this is the first one she's actually typed up herself, so if you think the writing style is a little different, that explains it.**

**Please review! We haven't gotten a single review since the first chapter! Is it just so bad that you want to be nice and not say anything? If that's the case then we appreciate your kindness but could you please just tell us? Please review!**


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